By Hindustan Times
No Problem Direction: Anees Bazmee Cast: Anil Kapoor, Sanjay Dutt, Akshay Khanna Rating: *
A fumbling policeman plays Anil Kapoor here. At an early scene in this film, right after a group of goris in tanktops and black men in bush shirts have spoken fluent Hindi and lip-synched to songs for our pleasure, 14 bullets gets pumped into Kapoor, the South African cop's body. Doctors manage to remove 12 of these. Two remain stuck in his stomach.
Doc says it's fine. Those bullets will merely give him giggles. 'Jhakas' Kapoor feels ticked, only once after his operation. It's supposed to be a recurring gag. The joke's quickly forgotten. This is the only part where you feel the movie's been through any sort of editing, where any dumb idea has been weighed against, and done away with, even if belatedly. Great to know.
Sushmita Sen plays Kapoor's wife. She gets "split personality ka daura" (fits of schizophrenia) for 10 minutes every day. This is when she turns into a ghost, tries to break her husband's head with glass while they're making love, hunts him down with swords, hammers, fires guns at him... They finally show her to a therapist. By this time, you're the one who desperately needs therapy.
Paresh Rawal's character is in search of two robbers (Sanjay Dutt, Akshaye Khanna) who've looted his bank in a South African village. He travels to Durban, finds himself a home right next to his targets, but never quite figures his neighbours are his robbers. Because each time he talks to them, it gets dark. He even walks with them once, but lightning doesn't strike. Because there's no light on the road! It's the most sweetly senseless sequence in the entire flick.
You'd believe me if all that you otherwise saw was a bus speeding off without a driver; a huge cruise liner knocking a boat over; a bamboo stick whacked on someone that causes red light to spark across his body; a little kid who flies away in a balloon; another guy who gives out life-threatening electric shocks if he touches you…. Why bother with something hilarious when you can just get downright delirious. Of course, that is if you have no problems of your own to deal with.
The director of this movie has delivered hits called No Entry, Welcome and Singh Is Kinng. Besides Kapoor, Rawal, Khanna (Hulchul, Hungama), Dutt (Munnabhai), you're also around diamond heist leader Suniel Shetty (Hera Pheri, Phir Hera Pheri), Shakti Kapoor (bad-ass bumbler), Ranjeet (‘70s don), Neetu Chandra, Kangana Ranaut for bikinis…. Actors alone suposedly carry audiences into theatres. A good number of them have been suitably recruited. The proposal is well drawn. Promise of crores have already been made. Why bother making a movie as well, telling a funny story? Anything will do.
As Sanjay Dutt philosophises, when tied to a chair by gang-leader Suniel Shetty who pours petrol on his body, "Jalne ki jalan mein jalne jaisi jalan nahin hogi." What does it mean? Shetty rightly asks. "Why does anything have to have any meaning?" True. You can tell, I've begun to make no sense myself. Ah, the head hurts.