By Hindustan Times
Mumbai, July 11 -- As promised last week, here's the one that is called - What They Really Mean When They Say. Producer to actor: 'Sabhi log jaante hain, aap true actor hain. Aapke liye sirf role mayne rakhta hain...' - 'We are going to pay you 5000 rupees for the film.'
Upmarket producer to actress: 'This is a totally today kind of film. No inhibitions, anything goes...you know!' - 'You have two sex scenes in this film.' Big-time producer to TV cameras as he exits rival's premiere: 'Actors have worked so hard, technicians, musicians...sabhi ne man lagaakar kaam kiya hain.' - 'It's a flop! Yesss!! It's a flop!!' Upmarket director to costume designer: 'Megs, I don't know, babes, but this outfit isn't looking good on Gugu. I know I approved it, but can we do something more fun? You know, younger?' - 'I want her in a short, frilly mini-skirt. And a tight cropped top.'
Director to actor: 'Sir, aap please script pe mat jayeeyega. Main chahoonga ki main aapko narration doon.' - 'The script sucks. But I think you are so stupid that I can dazzle you with my theatrics.' Director to actor: 'It's a low-budget film.' - 'Can you get us the funding?'
Hero to hero: 'Bro! Bro, whatta film yaar! You've killed it! I was like...blown away! And the climax! Dude!' - 'You were just about passable. And the climax? Pathetic.'
Hero to hero: 'Heeey. Well done, bro. Listen, I have to run, baba. Catch you soon.' - 'He was bloody good in the film. Have to run home and start plotting a whispering campaign to make sure this film doesn't become too big.'
Heroine to journalist: 'Gawd! After shooting this film, I'm looking forward to going to America, just disappearing for a month!' - 'I'm off for some plastic surgery.'
Heroine to journalist: 'Shooting in Iceland was soooo fun! Garima and I hung out like, 24x7!! She even stayed on after her work was over!' - 'Garima's got a smaller role than mine.'
Heroine in press conference: 'Working with ThiyyamSir was such a privilege! He is full of surprises! Everyday was like an adventure!' - 'I don't have a clue what I was doing in this film. Never understood a word of what the director was saying.'
Director at same press conference: 'You see, filmmaking cannot be totally predictable. I like to see what inspires me on the day. It's a dynamic, evolutionary process for me.' - 'I don't know how to make films.'
Producer to me: 'Hello, hello, Rahulsaab. I loves your work! Very different kind of actor!' - 'You freak. Who let you into this industry?' Next week - How the downmarket Bombay film industry has become the upmarket Mumbai one...and yet nothing's changed.