Vivek Oberoi and Aftab Shivdasani in drag, kissing each other. A heavily-endowed woman talking about doodh ki factories. Criminals known as the nanga gang who enter homes and rape women.
When a character hears about them on television news, he wonders out loud, Balatkaar se yaad aaya, meri biwi kahaan hain?
Another character has an inflatable gold-coloured crotch and sings songs with lyrics like I've got a rocket in my pocket, O Baby come and launch it'.
I've just given you a quick taste of Grand Masti, the new adult comedy by director Indra Kumar.
Every 10 minutes or so, you hit a low point and think that the film can't possibly sink any further, but Kumar and co-writer Milap Milan Zaveri surprise you. They lower the bar yet again.
This film, about three friends hoping to relive their wild days at a college reunion, is purposefully puerile, brain-dead and cheerfully offensive. Women are reduced to body parts - mostly heaving bosoms and jiggling rear ends.
The ones who are single are perpetually trying to seduce men. The ones who are married worry about how they can be better wives . even while their husbands try their best to have affairs.
The acting is abysmal. The humour is appalling. Even the songs are pathetic. I can't think of a single reason why you should watch this film.