Missed the GOAL

image

By IndiaFM

Sports films have found a place in Bollywood, especially more in today’s times with the success of films like Lagaan, Iqbal and the most recent Chak De India. Most of the films are stories of the underdog who ultimately achieves victory and need we say that the underdog is always the protagonist?

Yet another sports flick Dhan Dhana Dhan Goal releases this Friday and the film does look promising from its promos. However, we at IndiaFM decided to take you on a different ride altogether by reviving some of biggest sports based Bollywood disasters. In most of these movies, the sport on-screen is so boring that halfway through the film, the audiences must have started the throwing popcorns on each other to kill time. If you have missed such an experience or have been the unfortunate ones to have undergone such torture, in either case, we will relive some of those films which missed their ‘Goal’ big time.

Aryan – The Unbreakable

No one really had any sort of expectations from Aryan- the Unbreakable, a forgettable film which released sometime in Dec 2006 but was probably launched almost a decade ago. The movie stars Sohail Khan playing a boxer, who sacrifices his career for the sake of love. Soon sitting at home, unemployed, he gets frustrated and punches everyone and anyone whom he comes across –light bulbs, home furniture and even his wife played by Sneha Ullal. The other actor in this film, painfully trying to emote, is the beefcake Inder Kumar who plays his rival. The movie, which hardly ran for just a few days at the box- office also features Kapil Dev in a cameo and guess what, he plays someone whom Sohail idolizes…. Since when did Kapil start boxing for God’s sake?

Lastly the film has an interesting tagline – ‘Winning is not everything. It is the only thing.’ Guess the makers just took the first half of this tagline seriously.

Fight Club – Members Only

This was not a sports film in the true sense, but it did show a sport which many people love more than even Cricket – ‘Raw Street Fight’. This movie directed by debutante director Vicky Chopra is about four good-for-nothing friends (Dino Morea, Aashish Chaudhary, Zayed Khan, and Reitesh Deshmukh) who start a club where people can settle scores with one another in a private no-holds barred environment. Soon they get entangled with some crime lords and get in a mess and the owners of the club themselves have to get ready for the fight of their life with Messers Ashmit Patel, Yash Tonk , Rahul Dev and company. Suddenly out of nowhere, Sohail Khan (he is apparently also the producer of this trash of a film) and in the end you don’t know who is beating the pulp out of whom. The movie which takes its basic premise from the Brad Pitt – Edward Norton starrer Hollywood hit of the same name doesn’t even come close to the original with its story or lack of it. After having watched the film you remember the tagline, which goes something like ‘Have you picked a fight lately’ and even if you are a Gandhian, you will surely want to pick a fight with the makers of this nonsensical fight flick.

Hattrick

This Milan Luthria directed film was released around the Caribbean Cricket World cup this year to cash in on the cricket euphoria. However, unfortunately, for the makers just as the film released, the Indian team was almost on its way back home and people were so upset and irritated that cricket was the last thing on their mind.

This mockery of a sports flick had three parallel tracks running in the film, each cheesier and cornier than the other. Don’t believe, then read along…

The Nana Patekar – Danny track shows Danny as a critically ill patient for whom watching the World Cup final is more important a priority than getting operated upon, so much so that his doctor Nana stages a fake World cup match by calling up commentator Harsha Bhogle for an old tape of the 1983 World Cup match. And guess what Danny watches the match as happily as if it’s a live match. The other track shows Rimmi Sen fantasizing about cricketer Dhoni while making out with her husband Kunal Kapoor so much so that he starts hating anything to do with cricket. Dhoni v/s Kunal, now isn’t that an easy choice girls? As for Paresh Rawal, how many million more times would he play a Patel Bhai with an ‘America meets Amdavadi’ accent?

The icing on the cake is the end credits where you see people like Harsha Bhogle, Usha Uthup and even John Abraham shaking a leg with the cast. Wait a sec; wasn’t John supposed to be a football fan?

The title of the film is apt but unfortunately it is the director who scores a first ball duck in each of the three tracks thus aptly completing a Hattrick.

Ehsaas – a Feeling

What is it with sports movies having weird taglines in English? Ehsaas literally translated does mean feeling and one does not realize why the makers need to remind the viewers what the title means.

This Mahesh Manjrekar directed film released in the year 2001 starred Sunil Shetty and Master Mayank, as father and son respectively, with the drama revolving around a junior running race competition. Shetty being the fitness freak wants his son to be an athlete and win the 400 meters race in the All India Inter School’s Meet. The poor child is almost tortured by his father, mentally and physically and slowly starts hating him and even rebelling against him. Neha (now Mrs Manoj Bajpai) who plays their neighbour and the young boy’s close friend and confidante plays the female lead.

The movie is as predictable as a Hindi film can get. Just as the young boy starts practicing for the final tournament, he meets with an accident and the father’s dreams come crashing down. As for what happens next, it does not take a genius to guess that by the time the movie is over the boy would win the race even if he were limping. The father would then beam with joy and our ‘neighbourwaali’ aunty would soon become the little boy’s unofficial mummy.

Surprise Surprise -The movie also has singers like Anand Raaj Anand and Sunidhi Chauhan making guest appearances.

The only Ehsaas you are left with after watching this flick is an exhausted feeling as if it is you and not the child who has run the 400-meter race.

Stumped

What Hattrick tried to achieve with this year’s World Cup, Stumped tried during the 2003 World Cup. The movie starring Raveena Tandon, Aly Khan, a host of character artists and Salman Khan in a single song was also released during the World Cup season to cash in on the cricket frenzy.

However, the movie left the audiences clueless and stumped. The story shows a Cricket crazy colony where people wear cricket gear (helmets, pad etc.) and watch matches. Also, living in the same colony is Raveena Tandon waiting for her husband, an army major who is fighting the enemy in the border. Last but not the least is silly sub plots like a young boy’s fascination for the much older Raveena. The director was absolutely clueless as to what he intended to show.

As for Salman Khan, he features in a non-relevant song in the end credits but rightly hums the lines ‘Teri Stumping Ho Gayee Re’ hinting the makers what the fate of the film is going to be.

So, here’s an analysis which proves that sports is not necessarily a guaranteed hit formula. One really has to use a lot more brains to than just muscles to make sports based movies.