Indian Premier League Season: More filmi dhamaka!

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By HT

So the Indian Premier League has begun. We’re in for weeks and weeks of watching cheerleaders dancing, glamorous anchors being, well, glamorous, and studio discussions with many Paajis (at least two: there’s Sherry Paaji and Kapil Paaji). And oh yes, there’s the cricket too.

The opening ceremony in Eden Gardens, Kolkata, with acrobats and dancers and glittering lights, was basically focused on four performances – by Katrina Kaif (who initially came in an alarmingly voluminous golden gown, looking like something out of Grimm’s Fairy Tales; later she changed into more familiar Bollywood clothes), Deepika Padukone, Shah Rukh Khan and Pitbull. As a supporting act, there was Bappi Lahiri with his dark glasses and gold chains and Ustha Uthup with her gold-bordered Kanjeevaram sari (it was nice to see Shah Rukh move out from centrestage and gamely dance behind the two of them).

Since so much of India revolves around Bollywood, all this was unsurprising. For those people who still go on about Indian Premier League being nothing more than a filmi-type tamasha – frankly, after so many years of the Indian Premier League, is there still room for outrage? Just one more thing – the audience at Eden Gardens looked so listless and supine, they could’ve been watching a show explaining fiscal deficit instead of a filmi dhamaka. I don’t know if that’s a comment on the quality of the show or the quality of the audience.

But entertainment can be found in the most unlikely places, away from the entertainment channels. For instance, the History channel has recently started an American series called Ancient Aliens, which must be nothing short of manna from heaven for all lovers of Erich von Daniken, and other ardent believers in alien-conspiracy theories.

I saw the episode called The Greys and at the end of it, my head was spinning faster than any planet in Outer Space. Here is the theory of the Greys: many thousands of years ago, alien beings called the Greys (who look a lot like Spielberg’s ET) came down to earth – maybe from Mars which could have had an ancient civilization. They proceeded to exploit the reptiles on earth for reproductive purposes (hence the profusion of flying snakes, half-human half-snake creatures in human mythology) and then moved on to their real purpose which was to breed with humans.

This they did, thereby producing hybrid humans (there are ancient human skulls which are abnormally elongated, so there!). Therefore, unbeknownst to us, we are actually the genetic carriers of the Greys, who are our space brothers. Oh and by the way, there is also a distinct possibility that the Greys are time travelers from our future.

I tell you, this is better than any science fiction. I’m hooked.

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