December 24, 2014 12:08 AM
Self-esteem is something only you can give yourself.
December 21, 2014 01:49 PM
Off to London for Christmas. Kids have left behind a Christmas tree in the house to trick Santa into leaving them two gifts.
December 20, 2014 11:24 PM
I patiently listen to people whining about their personal problems so that I can guess their password.
December 20, 2014 11:08 PM
Nothing more annoying than traveling in the same car as someone who's non-stop talking on the phone.
December 18, 2014 06:37 PM
You can afford to be dumb only if you're pretty.
December 17, 2014 07:07 PM
What's the first thing that comes to your mind when you think of Christmas? Santa Claus or Jesus? Power of Marketing!
December 17, 2014 03:07 PM
Taliban means students, and ironically, that's what they fear the most.
December 16, 2014 07:11 PM
“How can you have a war on terrorism when war itself is terrorism?” - Howard Zinn
December 16, 2014 01:55 PM
Beauty Tip: Hang out with ugly people.
December 15, 2014 10:33 PM
"I fear not the man who has practiced 10,000 kicks once, but I fear the man who has practiced one kick 10,000 times." - Bruce Lee
December 15, 2014 06:10 PM
I was wrong about vegetarian food. Veg noodles taste really good with prawns.
December 14, 2014 03:02 PM
Most people say sorry only so that the other person shuts the fuck up.
December 13, 2014 02:53 PM
Never underestimate yourself. Others will do it for you.
December 13, 2014 01:30 PM
Santa is probably the only one who can get away with calling everyone a "ho".
December 12, 2014 07:38 PM
The only thing worse than making a mistake is defending it.
December 9, 2014 06:57 PM
The secret to a long-lasting marriage is taking turns being away from the house.
December 9, 2014 06:49 PM
The secret to a long-lasting marriage is separate TVs.
December 8, 2014 05:48 PM
Time is your spokesperson. It will answer everything.
December 8, 2014 04:13 PM
For now, Uber is banned. If things don't improve, Delhi may have to be banned.
December 8, 2014 03:53 PM
Just a matter of time before someone suggests "saffron" should be made national colour.
December 8, 2014 03:35 PM
You don't have to look up at the sky anymore to spot vultures. Just log on to Twitter. They don't even need you to die. A mistake will do.
December 7, 2014 05:43 PM
More people will read books if written in 140 character paragraphs.
December 7, 2014 05:33 PM
Ass-lickers will ruin you faster than enemies.